you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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