the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
