Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
We smell like vodka and hangover
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
