I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
someone owes me an orgasm
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
