I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
