I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
