Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
