Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
