remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
