The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
