Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
