I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
