this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
