you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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