If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
