I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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