we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
