I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Boobs are out for the taking
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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