your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he puts the penis in happiness.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
