this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
