Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
