I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
