So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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