shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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