So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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