I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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