you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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