Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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