He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
