gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
