Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
