ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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