It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
