help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
