I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
