i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
third nipple confirmed
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
