Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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