Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
