drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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