no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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