So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
