Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
BRING THE BAGELS
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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