Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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