You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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