I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
