So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
