i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
