i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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