just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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