he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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